one year

Did you think about it?

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ya know,

I still have dreams, where you come back. You're tired of being alone or you just miss me, and you come back. And i get to hear all of those things that i miss you saying. I can actually feel you there, hold your hand, you hold me, and it feels so real. But everytime you go to say "I love you", i wake up...

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it would be nice

To be your friend again. I care about you way to much for you to be completely out of my life. Maybe one day you'll talk to me again...

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I'm pathetic

I'm worthless. I'm immature. I can't let go. I can't stay away. I can't get you out of my mind. I can't love someone else. I don't want anything else. Make me hate you. Please.

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(from the past)*Sigh*

How long 'til it happpens again? I don't expect you to stay through the weekend. I'm not worth that much. I want you to stay, I'm not pushing you away at all. I mean please, please stay. But I wouldn't be surprised if you don't. I love you baby, you're my everything. Don't do it to me again. I liked talking about cars yesterday.. A lot.. I wish our time didn't run out last night, we could've done that for hours. The last one we went over was the AE86 fyi.. I love you.. Don't go again.. Just stay this time.. Just stay..

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(from the past)Crying

It's the purest form of opening up. You can fake anything, but true tears, they come from the heart. Last night when we had those conversations, I felt like something happened. I feel like we've grown together, as a couple. We each know more about the other's love, and I know we'll never end. I hope you know that too. Chris the things I say sometimes, you have to understand I don't mean them. It's something I need to work on. And I will. I'll stop all of those mean thoughts from existing. Last night I realized something. You care. You actually don't want to lose me. You're scared of it too. Not that it will happen, but when it almost happens you stop it. I've never felt like someone was afraid to lose me. And you never will baby. I love you with all of my heart. We don't need to cry anymore. Not unless it's happy tears. :) I love you Chris. Forever and ever and always.

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(from the past) This Year

It's gonna be the greatest year ever. Because it'll be a year full of memories. We'll cuddle when it's cold and hide under the same umbrella in the rain. We'll go to the beach together and go shopping in Houston. We'll visit my family a lot and hopefully see your mom a few times. :) I want you to be in every memory Chris. I didn't like not seeing you today, that's why I didn't do anything more than lay around. I want to look back on my life and not be able to remember a time you weren't there. I want to forget about my past and not worry about the future. Everyday is going to be okay as long as I have you. I love you. :)

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(from the past)I Miss You

We haven't been separated for long at all, but I miss you already. This weekend was so great. Being close to you, falling asleep in your arms, waking up to your kiss. I love you Chris. I'm absolutely in love with you. If I could be with you all the time, I would be. I wish I could always be around you, in your arms, by your side. You're mine baby. Always. I want too be yours forever. I belong to you. Every part of me. There is nothing I would ever hide from you. Ever. If you asked me a question, I would do my best to answer it. I love you. Christopher Daniel Rodriguez, you are the love of my life.

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I miss you so much.. Listening to old songs that you used to sing to me, all I can hear is your voice, and as great as the memory is, it's got me breaking down. Chris I just want to be in your arms. How can I give Joe all of me, if I still have a piece of me left with you? I need you Chris... I'm always going to love you.. Why won't you help me? You promised this would get better..

I guess I still love you
I guess I always will
I guess you'll always be on my mind
And I guess I'll learn to deal

With the pain of you leaving
And the pain of you being gone
The pain of never knowing
What was really going on

I don't really feel like writing poetry. It just happened. I quit writing a long time ago and erased all of my posts because I know you don't read them anymore. But fuck it. I need it. I need the vent. Because I'm still in love with you. That won't change. You can hate me, call me names, make me feel like shit, and I still love you. Why did you do this to me? I was so strong before you, such a better person. Then you consumed me and took everything away. You made me believe so much in us.. Chris I love you. You're the one I want to be with. You're the one I always want to be with. I need you. I wish you'd just be a part of my life. I'm always going to love you Chris. I miss the way we used to talk, and open up to each other. I don't know why you became this way. You're grandma walked in that day, the next you cut your hair, and then you became a dick to me, with no warning. How could you do that? You preach about maturity but you don't even know what it is anymore. You used to be a god among men. Someone I honestly looked up to. Now, all you are is the remnant of someone that I loved once, and will never let go of. God I love you Christopher. And you'll never know. You won't believe it or even give me true closure. I just need a hug. Just a god damn hug to make everything go away. And I'm never going to get that from you. Damn it Chris. I want to hate you. Why can't you make me hate you?

......I fucking love you